9 TIPS TO BUILD A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP

THE MEANING OF LOVE

Love comes from God, the bible teaches. So being able to love someone and to receive love, is itself a gift from God. It’s not just that God is loving, or that he loves us (both true), but he is love itself. So when human beings get a taste of love, they are getting something from God –part of his own nature.

What is called “love” in a lot of magazines, plays or films is often lust, sexual attraction or romantic passion.

Genuine love wants to give, not take. We may know a bit of that kind of love, but we can often be selfish and demanding towards the person we love best. But at least we know the kind of love we are aiming for.

We use the word “love” to describe so many different feelings. We may “love” dogs, “love God” or “love ice cream. So what are the ingredients of the love which makes for a good relationship?

1. Physical attraction
2. Admiration
3. Respect
4. Friendship
5. Affection.

To build a long lasting relationship:

1. RESPECT EACHOTHER
Couples often talk jokingly about each other’s shortcomings to outsiders, who don’t find it funny. If you run someone down often enough you begin to believe what you are saying. But even when nothing is said either way, it’s easy to tell when couples respect each other and think highly of the other’s worth.

And it never hurts to tell each other that you feel that way. When you despise and look down on another person you do not love him or her, and the love that leads to marriage must include admiration for the other as a person, and respect for his or her ability and views.

2. RELISH THE DIFFERENCES BETWEEN YOU
The differences between you and your partner are
not negatives. You don’t need a relationship with someone who shares all of your interests and views. We may sometimes fear that these differences are
incompatibilities, but in fact, they’re often what keeps a relationship exciting and full of good fire.

3. MAKE TIME FOR YOUR RELATIONSHIP
No matter who you are or what your work is, you need to nurture your relationship. Make sure you schedule time for the well-being of your relationship. That includes making “play dates” and also taking downtime together. Frequently create a sacred space together by shutting off all things technological and digital. Like a garden, the more you tend to your relationship, the more it will grow.

4. SOLIDIFY YOUR FRIENDSHIP
As an adult, an insecure attachment style is associated with a slew of relationship troubles, including jealousy, obsession, and emotional highs and lows. The good news is that, regardless of your present pattern, you can become more securely attached, or connected, to your partner by developing a deeper friendship. To do that, incrementally spend more time with him/her doing something you both enjoy. Also, regularly ask for updates on your partner’s likes, dislikes, current stressors, and new interests, as people change over time.

5. APPRECIATE EACH OTHER
Remember when you first started dating, how you
used to go that extra mile to impress her? Well, one
of the secrets to a long, fulfilling relationship is to
continue to actively appreciate your partner. You don’t necessarily have to pull out all the stops the way you did back in the day, but regular efforts to show your partner that you appreciate him/her will do wonders for improving your relationship. If you’re not sure where to start, a good place is by doling out daily compliments. Tell your partner she looks Good or thank her for organisational abilities when she reminds you to call your mother. The only rule is to make sure that you genuinely mean what you say.

6. CONCENTRATE ON THE PRESENT TO ENSURE YOUR FUTURE
Interestingly, the ability of your relationship to weather tough times has a lot to do with your mutual availability in the here and now. Unfortunately, over time, for a variety of reasons, many couples move further apart from each other, meaning that when a rough patch hits, their relationship doesn’t survive.

To build a rock-solid relationship, start by acknowledging rather than ignoring the ordinary moments in your relationship. If your partner wants to share something she’s reading on the net, for example, take a minute to listen, even if you simply grunt in response. It may sound strange, but if you accumulate enough of the little things, when you really need your partner, you’ll find she’s there for you.

7. SHARE POWER
When a man is not willing to share power with his
relationship partner, John Gottman’s research indicates there is an 81% chance that his relationship will self-destruct.

While hoarding power may have got you ahead in your career, this strategy will backfire in your relationship because your girlfriend will end up feeling like her opinions aren’t valuable and she doesn’t matter to you. To help save your relationship, develop a more accepting attitude toward compromise. Practice by giving in on issues you don’t feel extremely invested in.

8. UNDERSTAND ANGER
While outbursts of anger are common even in healthy relationships, when anger becomes an entrenched part of your couple life, you should be concerned. Sue Johnson, master therapist and pioneer of emotion-focused therapy, an empirically validated treatment for distressed relationships, refers to anger as a secondary emotion.

Her theory holds that other (primary) emotions, such as sadness or a fear of being abandoned, can be found behind an angry front. Think back to the last argument you had with your partner and use this new knowledge to look for hidden messages in what you and your partner were each trying to communicate.

Attempting to disregard the angry tone you both used and trying to tune in to what you were each really trying to say will help you to see that you both have needs in your relationship that make sense. For instance, “You’re a workaholic!” might really mean “I miss you and want to spend more time with you.”

9. SPIRITUAL COMPATABILITY
In 2 Corinthians 6:14-15, Paul writes, “Do not be
bound together with unbelievers; for what
partnership have righteousness and lawlessness, or
what fellowship has light with darkness? Or what
harmony has Christ with Belial [Satan], or what has
a believer in common with an unbeliever?”
This passage warns that a Christian should not
enter a partnership with an unbeliever because it
will be a relationship built on opposing values and
goals. Building relationships on Christian values,
trust, and love is essential in the Christian life,
especially in the most intimate of all human
relationships.
If you are considering a relationship and one of you has received Christ as Lord and Savior but the other has not, i strongly recommend that you either put
your relationship on hold or end it altogether. If
your future spouse is unwilling to repent and
change now, don’t expect it to happen after you
marry.
Second, if neither of you has received Christ, we
recommend that you put off the relationship so
you can focus on learning more about a relationship
with Him. Give yourselves time to talk with
Christian friends, or your pastor, and come to a
solid decision about where you stand with God.
To be continued…

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13 Comments Add yours

  1. sola says:

    Mzwemmy, about spiritual compatibility… What if the guy is a believer but he is not spiritually sound like the girl. Is it still advisable to continue the relationship

    Like

    1. Joanna says:

      Hi Sola!
      The important thing is that he is a believer, (with this I make ref to 1Cor 5:17) What’s your definition of spiritual soundness? Anyone can put up the appearance of being spiritually sound by quoting a few verses from the scripture. It really doesn’t matter. Another question should be “Is he trying to grow spiritually?, Does he care about God’s word?”… I mean everyone was once a babe in Christ, so if he is willing and desiring to grow in Christ, I see no reason you should discontinue your relationship. Pray for his growth.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. karen says:

    Nice write up

    Like

  3. kola says:

    When a lady is trying to be the boss in the relationship, how can the man take up his stand.

    Like

  4. anonymous says:

    Is sex part of the key to a healthy relationship?

    Like

  5. anonymous says:

    wemmy, please, how do I make my boyfriend respect me

    Liked by 1 person

  6. mzwemmy says:

    Thanks for the contribution, miss joanna.

    Like

  7. mzwemmy says:

    No, sex is not the key to a healthy relationship. Save sex for marriage. Pre-marital sex tends to break up couples.
    Persons and couples who have had pre-marital sex are more likely to have extra marital affairs as well. Persons and couples with pre-marital sex experience tend to achieve sexual satisfaction sooner after they are married. However, They are likely to be less satisfied overall
    with their sex life during marriage.

    Like

  8. mzwemmy says:

    Thanks karen

    Like

  9. mzwemmy says:

    You have to respect yourself first and how you carry yourself around your boyfriend matters, don’t whine and appear weak.

    Like

  10. mzwemmy says:

    kola, If she’s trying to be boss, how’s your self esteem? How do you behave around her? It seems you are loose, try to be firm.

    Like

  11. Akintola Olatunde Emmanuel says:

    Nyce teaching Wemmy, a person who dnt love God can not really love anybody….It is God’s love in u dat flows 2 others…Patience is also a virtue in a healthy relationship, wat u dnt ENDURE u can’t ENJOY!!!

    Like

  12. mzwemmy says:

    Thanks tunde

    Like

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