The thought of Paul and I having sex flashed through my mind, I wished it continued, I lost control of myself,I visited pornographic sites daily and It resulted to masturbation, I began to masturbate especially when I am depressed. I became an addict. I couldn’t open up to anyone including Halima, because I was ashamed of myself, I felt helpless.
It made me totally independent, I didn’t give room for any man in my life. I got all the pleasure I needed from it. I turned down every advances coming from the opposite sex. I kept to myself like a sadist, I enjoyed my life even though it was boring.
I started living like no man’s business. My normal routine for each day was to attend lectures, library then back to my hostel. No extra_curriculum activities, no church.
Before the end of the session, I wrote the exam for the scholarship I had applied for and I passed. MTN took care of my educational needs. The only thing I catered for was my feeding in which Halima was always there.
One day, I woke up, got ready for my normal routine, lectures, library and back home. After my lectures, I wasn’t feeling too well to go to the library, so I headed back to my hostel then I heard a voice from behind.
I continued walking, I didn’t know if the voice was referring to me
” Sister..” the voice drew near
I paused and turned, I saw a fair lady smiling at me, she was putting on a fuscia pink shirt on a black skirt, she had no make up on, her hair was neatly weaved to the back with no attachment.
“Me?” I sounded unsure
“Yes” she came close, “My name is Toluwani Akande, can I meet you?”
“I am Ewatomi Makanjuola”
“Uhmm, actually myself and my fellowship members are here to have the Catch them young for the freshers, Are you a fresher?”
“No” I replied sharply and I turned to leave.
“Please wait, it doesn’t matter, I can also invite you to my fellowship. What level are you?”
“Okay, I am in 400 level,So what fellowship do you attend?”
“RCF”, I lied..
“Okay, sorry for taking your time, my fellowship is NIFES” she stretched forth a flyer to me “Any day you are chanced you can fellowship with us.
I collected the flyer reluctantly , I folded it into the back pocket of my trouser, as I turned to take my leave.
“It’s nice meeting you”
“Same” I waved and we departed
On Sunday morning, Halima had gone to church, I woke up, brought out my cloth to wash. I searched through the pocket to be sure if I left no money. Then I felt a piece of paper in the back pocket…It was the flyer the lady had given me.
“Mtcheeew” I hissed and threw it away.
I finished washing by 9am, cooked, bathe, ate and retired to the bed to relax. I picked on my phone and opened one of the porn videos I downloaded on my phone, I watched it and masturbated. I had the whole room to myself, without any disturbance. When I finished, I felt uneasy, that day was the first time I felt guilt. I started weeping, I couldn’t pinpoint the exact reason I was crying nor feeling guilty. But my heart was heavy.
I rose from my bed immediately with a burden to attend a church, the burden was so strong that I could not resist it, I looked at the time, it was past 10,but I didn’t know which to go, I got up hoping to find a church before getting to the main road, I got dressed and left the room. Immediately I got outside I bumped into the NIFES flyer again, this time, I picked it up to read, I had a strong conviction to attend the fellowship. I checked it to see the address and I headed there..
I got to the fellowship location, and as I approached the entrance, an usher welcomed me in with a smile, immediately I stepped in, I felt relaxed, I felt at home. The sermon started 5minutes after I got in. The topic was “A living sacrifice and the Bible text was Romans 12 vs1”.
The minister of God buttressed on sexual immorality, it was as if the message was taken for my sake, that was the day I knew God was ready for me. I began to sweat profusely. Immediately the minister announced an altar-call, I jumped up immediately, I was the first to stand up, I ran to the altar and began to weep. I promised God I will never masturbate again, not only that, I promised never to do anything wrong again.
That day I cast all my burden at the Lord’s feet. After the altar call, the counselling unit, led us to a room and ministered to us one by one. It was also the day I gave my life to Christ, that day I will always live to remember.
I got home that day, feeling light. I deleted all the porn I had on my phone.
“Tomi, I still can’t believe you went to church!..Who invited you? What made you go? Who convinced you?..” Halima asked honestly curious
” Halima!!, I know you will ask, actually, I had the burden to go, that’s all” I replied, I didn’t tell her what led to it
“Hmmmm… A burden?” she said raising her eyebrows “it must be the Holy Spirit..Thank You Jesus..” She said stretching forth her hands to the ceiling
That day, Halima insisted we prayed together before going to bed. She was so joyous I gave my life to christ. She even offered to be my prayer partner. After we prayed that night, we lay on the bed to sleep but I couldn’t sleep, I started having the urge to masturbate.
To be continued…